at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
