I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i believe in u and ur pee
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
