Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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