it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
