He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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