I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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