Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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