Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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