Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
