whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
