so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
