I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just gargled with NyQuil
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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