My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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