i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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