WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
