so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
