gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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