dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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