I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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