I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
