You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
