How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
