and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
