yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
