So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
