There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
