Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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