Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
