Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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