there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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