Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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