Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
