Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
