Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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