there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
lol hangovers are for mortals.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
