dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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