Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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