Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
