About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
