ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
