I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
