i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
