Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
