K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
