addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
