She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
