Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
