I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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