Will you blow on my dice?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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