I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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