At least make sure they are 18
Why
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
