I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
