So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
