Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
