meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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