woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
